Today, I stand at the foot of a mountain, looking up at the peak and wondering if I can make it there. At least, I hope it's the bottom of a mountain rather than a precipice.At the tail end of last week, I had a strong bout of impostor syndrome that went rather like this:
"I'm terrified about school. If it doesn't lead to a job, what am I going to do? What if it does and I can't handle the speed of the work? What if I fail? What if I'm terrible? What if my classmates don't like me?"
My friend's advice?
"Give it your best. Good things are already happening for you, so more will come. If you want it, you will push yourself. Take care of the present and the future will take care of itself."
Truly wise that one is.
It's a little more complicated for me. My eyes are getting drier as the summer humidity leaves, which makes it hard to read. The large amount of walking one day made me fatigued. I'm hoping I'll get used to it and the tiredness will go away.
I've been taking a little writing break to avoid burnout as I'm anticipating that I'll have a lot to do in the coming months.
Tomorrow, I meet my classmates for the first time and we learn about what our year ahead will entail. We'll get the picture of the mountain, though not every rock that may trip us up along the way.
Part of me wonders if I've lost my mind chasing my passion for writing. It could all blow up in my face. I could just end up with more debt and no job.
But if I don't try it, there will always be the 'what if' hanging over me. Some risks are worth it.
Another friend, who will be at the same school, has mentioned it feels like we're characters on Community. I think it's going to be an adventure-filled year!
Guid cheerio the nou,
R~