Skip to main content

Thoughtful Thursday - Assumptions

sign-304039_640
I disagree with the saying that when you assume something you make an ass out of u and me. You just make an ass out of yourself.  Assumptions show others how small your worldview is.

Assumptions are a tool of the lazy. When you invent an entire image of a person, city, country, generation instead of researching beyond your own experience, you're lazy. When you assume you know someone based on 2 conversations on social media, you're just plain wrong. And it's ridiculous to think otherwise. There are 525,600 minutes in a year and if you think you can know what one person does with each of those from a brief interaction, you are living in a bubble.

Hell, you can't even be sure you know people you hang out with in person regularly. Everyone that "knew" Ted Bundy thought he was a wonderful human being. They had no clue he spent his time burglarising homes; kidnapping, raping, and killing women; or fornicating with their dead bodies.

Newsflash! People don't experience or perceive situations the way you do. Your own feelings on something don't make it okay to speak for an entire generation. Your feelings also don't make you any kind of authority on a subject.

Also, generations are a marketing construct, which means they aren't meaningful for determining how to treat humans beyond trying to sell them shit. But I digress.

And we've all made assumptions at one time or another. I did in one relationship. It didn't work out, in part, because assumptions piss people off! They aren't an effective communication tool. Even less so when issued after an ad hominem attack.

Now, we can infer, that is to make an educated guess based on in depth research and facts about something such as Trump is dangerous. We could infer this before the election as there was a pile of evidence about the way he thinks and how he runs his businesses.

Inferences aren't made after 1 or 2 brief interactions. One must gather solid evidence. The non-circumstantial kind. Imagine if someone went to court and only had weak evidence. Or if NASA didn't research all possible use cases for an astronaut in space.

I can reasonably infer that the teen boys in my anime club spend their free time doing homework, playing video games, reading, watching more anime, and masturbating. The club is in a library, we've chatted about manga, and they're teenage boys. This doesn't mean that they don't also play instruments, do martial arts, take swimming lessons, have girlfriends, attend church etc. They are humans with other interests.

I've volunteered with kids and teens a number of times in my life actually. The all day kind where you are spending more time with them than their parents or teachers do. The same issues are prevalent and only look different or are slightly intensified. The internet has been around since the 1970s. Having worked at a telecom company, I know a few things about the Internet. Yeah, it wasn't in everyone's pocket, but kids and teens are doing all the same things they always have. Boys and men have been looking at Playboy Magazines and watching porn as long as it has existed. Having brothers, I know a few things about boys I often wish I didn't. And I've dated, a lot. Most of my friends were male in high school.

I have zero blinders on when it comes to the lives of teens. I experimented a lot when I was one. I had friends from every social group and class. Two of my friends came from an affluent family that gives scholarships. Other friends lived in the poorest neighbourhoods. I've been bullied, and I've saved other kids from bullies. I've been attacked on the street by older teens. I've been the only female in shop class. I once dated a drug dealer. Not so much on purpose, as I was naive before him, but I figured it out quickly. I've been cheated on. Friends and I would chat on ICQ with strangers and we didn't chat about kittens. We watched porn on VHS when our parents were out. We partied. Dial-a-bottle brought liquor to us hassle free. Many had experimented with marijuana, mushrooms, LSD, and heroin. I lived in a city that was 1/18th the size of Ottawa. I walked in on a threesome at one party. I had friends who spent lunch hour blowing their boyfriends under the stairs. You can't go under the stairs at that school anymore as they installed lockable storage areas after we went there. It's to be torn down soon, actually. Many of my friends in high school were sexually active and kids were having sex in my Catholic primary school. It's amazing I stayed a virgin until college when you think about it. My parents didn't attend parent-teacher nights. I managed my own grades and it was fine that I was horrible in some classes because I just didn't have an aptitude for math and my teacher wouldn't explain anything. That isn't everything I experienced while in high school. I never crossed a line that would put me in serious trouble with the law though.

If you work with kids and teens and think that the group you interact with is representative of all kids and teens on earth, you make an assumption. You don't have enough information for it to be anything else. And they're all individuals who respond differently to stimulus. You can't one-size fits all and think you'll truly reach them. And you REALLY can't make a difference by ignoring reality. The real one, not your alt facts one. The reality that includes the fact that they are likely sexually active.

I don't think it's even okay to assume you know everything about your spouse regardless of how long you've been together. Why? Because people grow and change perspectives throughout their lives. It never hurts to ask if someone still loves a band before you buy concert tickets. Maybe they have a new band they want to see. Or maybe you want to try something new in the bedroom and get an awkward response. Maybe you caught them off guard and they need time to think about it. If someone says no today, that shouldn't be thought of as "never". Imagine if you assumed based on one no that your spouse never wants to have sex with you again. Yes, you should check with your spouse to see if they want to have sex rather than assume. Marriage doesn't equal entitlement.

Stop assuming things about other humans. Be brave and get to know them properly. Ask them questions. Don't launch personal attacks at them because you don't like the evidence they've provided you. It's a shitty thing to do. Be a better human.

Salut,
R~

Popular posts from this blog

2020 Vision

Mostly, I’ve been planning for the new year, but I discovered I know Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. It was a recollection under the influence that brought this to light. I also discovered I still suck at drawing, but I’m okay with that. I used to think I had to be good at everything, and I’ve realized that’s just not so. Some friends and I recently hit up a local board game pub. It was a pretty fun night. The first game was Balderdash and I was terrible at it. Because I was the writer in the group, some of my friends thought I should be more embarrassed about it and hide the fact that I don’t spend all my free time learning advanced vocabulary. But I’m not upset about it. Why? Two reasons: 1. I now know what I don’t know. 2. If one takes a close look at the top selling novels on the market, the level of the language used is not the level of many of the words in Balderdash. Not that I’m comparing my own work to those, but audience is what matters in writing. To me, it is far better to e...

Fortifying Friday - Rejection

Yesterday, I received my first rejection from an agent. It stung. It wasn't that it was bad. It was worded in a way that it may have even been personally written. Regardless, rejection never feels good unless you were secretly hoping to stay home and do nothing when a friend made plans with you. Then it feels great! I might be an introvert ;) Anyway, it hurts a bit extra when you have other things going on. Between the worries of the state of the world and being unemployed, it felt much like being kicked while I was already down. The agent said she couldn't connect with my book though she really wanted to. She also said not to take her rejection as any kind of sign that I should give up. It was nice as far as rejections go. So, I lay there for a bit. Then I let my friends know via social media. Several said that I had hit a milestone and I should try to collect as many as possible this year. Rejections, they said, were a badge of honour awarded for putting myself out there. See...

Thoughtful Thursday - Dental Access

I haven't made use of it yet as I discovered it only this week, but there are free dental screenings in Ottawa for people who have a low income. I'm not sure what happens at these things, but I imagine they're rather like the once or twice yearly visits we had in grade school from the health unit where they checked our teeth. Anyway, I thought I'd mention that in case anyone is in need. There is a schedule with the locations listed and I'm guessing it's hard to get there early enough to get seen, but I'll check it out soon. I've been using dental products that are supposed to repair and whiten. I'm unsure they are working, but I figured they were worth a try. Also, I hear if you add activated charcoal to your toothbrush before the toothpaste, it helps whiten too. It makes a hell of a mess, but I tried it. I think it might take a while to whiten, but my teeth are definitely cleaner, so I think it really does help with plaque. Activated charcoal is als...