I'm on a much needed vacation. And I decided to reduce my technology use during it to really unwind. It's my brother's birthday week and he wanted me to come visit.
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| Image by depaulus on Pixabay |
The only stress I have is that I haven't come out to my father yet as I'm worried how he'll react. He grew up in Catholicism in Northern Quebec in a tiny place that had about as many people as my high school did. He has occasionally said some homophobic things in the past. One of my friends asked me awhile ago why I even feel the need to tell him about this part of myself and it's partly a yearning for him to know me better. It's also because one day I expect to have a woman in my life that I'll want to introduce to my family. I'd rather not wait until then because I don't want that hanging over the relationship. I don't think it's fair to the person. I also feel like I lost that chance with mom and don't want to lose it with dad too.
Part of what is stressing me out about it is just figuring out what to say. Like, I could just say I love women. I could try to be funny and make a joke about boobs like how I feel like a tit for not realizing it all sooner? I was at lesbian billiards the other day and at least I'm making friends who get this current struggle. I could mention that the funniest thing about lesbian billiards is that there are a bunch of women there who have no idea what do do with sticks and balls. I could just say that I'm gay and give him my copy of This Book is Gay. Or maybe I'll go with something along the lines of that I've spent life really trying to be straight, but I'm just not and it's time I get to be happy and fully enjoy life. Maybe the last one combined with the book is the way to go.
Timing is another thing to consider. If it goes badly, I won't want to hang around, so I'm thinking of leaving it until near the end of my trip. Part of me wants to get it done early though, so I can stop worrying about the outcome.